On Daddy's Shoulders

I know that I am riding on Daddy's shoulders. The last few days have been a ride and it has been a real struggle to find comfort in all this. Yesterday was the hardest day on my walk with the Lord. At times I felt that I could not understand what was going on. Good thing that I have an absolute understanding that I am going thru the fire and that God is refining me. I know that Jesus is there in the fire with me and that I will come out of this stronger and better than before. Kinda like the joy set before me, I will endure, but to be honest it has been some bad stuff. I did not sleep at all last night and I was walking around in a fog today. I am glad that it is
the last day of work tomorrow for the weekend. I just need some time with me and my heavenly Dad. Some times I think that I need to go aside and lick some wounds and then other times I think that there needs to be a pushing thru. I know that God is directing me and that is comforting, but I have to trust Him that He will take me where I need to be. It really has been a stepping off the cliff and flying. Most times right now I feel like I am falling without a net. Faith building this has been.
I know that I cannot do anything in my own strength as it just would not help.
Sorry to sound like such a downer, but it is a time of refining and it hurts ! Transition hurts. Saw myself in the cocoon and being transformed/changed and that it was a time that was most uncomfortable.
Chuck Pierce sent a word yesterday and what I got from it was that being comfortable is a form of captivity. That when you are comfortable with something/ministry/whatever, you don't move forward or listen for the next move or the next season, you just sit in your comfortable place and stagnate. That was me, I needed to be ripped from that place and it was painful. It has been 6 months now and now it is time for me to heal.
That is why I am glad that I am on Daddy's shoulders on this ride. There is a safety and joy in this. Daddy, I want to ride with you. I want to go higher and higher and touch Your face ! Thanks Daddy for carrying me thru this ! I love You

Adorning His Bride

I was excited when I got up from soaking last Friday night and under me where I was laying down was the gem. It was red with some amber in it. Deborah had been talking about the blood of Jesus and then I got a red gem. How cool is that??

God is good !

Soaking

Soaking was tonight and it was great ! About 4 people got red jewels and 3 got blue.
I really want one, but I will have to wait until I do !
Got a word tonight and he basically said that the Lord was going to teach me to soar ! Above the clouds and the storms. That I was being tried, tested but have remained true. (he had no idea that I was going thru anything)
Rena and I got laughter before it started and then after it ended. Just like 2 pieces of bread with the soaking as the middle. We are now in a small church as Deborah and Peter's was too small. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger. People are definitely hungry for intimacy with the Lord !!! I know that I am !!!!!!!!!!

Feeling a lot better today. Have been real tired and I think a lot of that was emotion and stress. Bought myself new jeans and a shirt. That made me feel lots better LOL....I needed them for sure, the other ones were thread bare !!

Thanks for those that have prayed for me and the situation !! I am doing good !! Love you

And then it took a sharp turn....

On Sunday, I got a vision and in it was the ride " Mad Mouse". It is like a rollercoaster but every so often it takes a very sharp turn. If you are not ready for the turn then you get a stiff neck.....

Didn't know that I was speaking to me !!!!!! Right after the preservice prayer (where I saw that) I was called in the office by one of the leaders and told that I was stepping down from prayer (both Tues night and preservice) as Mike Hinger wanted to teach the "Happy Intercessor" book from Bethel church in Redding CA. He said that they wanted me to take a "rest" and that I could still come (if I wanted to) Also, he wanted me to come on Tues night so that they could "honor" me and I said "No". He also said that the leaders had said no to the "Feast".

When I went upstairs I bumped into one of my friends (Rena) and started to cry. I said that I could not stay as I felt very dishonored and hurt. We went to her house so that I could cry some and talk some of it out.

It really all started last Nov/Dec when I was wrestling with the Lord and was in a bad place. It took a while (weeks) before I could say to the Lord, yes, I will lay down leading intercession and anything else that He wanted me to do. Then right after Christmas was when I had the visit by the Lord and He told me that it was time to step off the edge and fly. I felt renewed and with more vision and energy and excitement. I should have read the signs that were all around !!!
The funny thing is that this is the 8th year that I am at the church (new beginnings) and that all this happened on the 8th of March, on the day that the time "sprung forward".

I know now as this happened I realized that there was still a wound there in me that had gotten infected and this "cut" opened up the wound and it began to drain poison. At one point I was awake from 5 am and was "writing" e-mails in my head to the leaders.

The Lord showed me that as I was doing this in my head and speaking to Him, that the poison was draining out and it was starting to heal. The Word is washing over the old and new wounds and I am feeling better than I was on Sunday (seems like weeks ago) I was thinking of phoning Mike as he had called me and asked how I was doing and then proceeded to tell me that they were going to honor me with or without me there. (at one point I wondered who the honoring was for) When I started thinking about what I was going to say I realized that there was still poison there and that I needed it ALL gone before I talked to him.

I have asked Alastair and Judy for ministry when they get home and they said that they would. They ministered to me in Dec when I was going thru all that tough time.
He had said to me at the time, This is a process that you are walking thru and we can only pray for you thru this.

One of the signs that I almost missed was the change in the words spoken over me lately from "you are a warrior /intercessor etc" to them speaking about more dreams, visions, hearing and discernment intensified etc. It was about the 7th time that someone spoke it out that I realized that something had changed ! I don't know what it is all about, but I feel like the floor has just fallen out from under my feet and that I need to fly or fall. It is a very scary thing!! Intercession had become comfortable for me and the Lord had told me 8 years ago as I entered the church that I was NOT to get comfortable !!!

The biggest thing I have come to realize is that for some reason I had taken on part of my identity from my gifting. I was an intercessor. God has been trying to get that out of my head/heart and teach me who I am in Him. I am His child!!! Just in the last few days He told me that He is giving me a new name. ( He showed me that I had been Intercessor Vivian ) He was showing me about the name being more than just a name, but a characteristic. This new name is going to be who I am now. I don't know that it will be a new name as in Vivian to Sue, but I won't know until.....

I saw that it was a new season for me and the pic that I saw was the changing of the face of a man to the face of a ?. (I think Beth wrote me something about that..some word that John got over someone about the 4 living creatures)

This morning I woke up singing " The eagles are a rising, the white eagles are a rising...fly fly fly" by Rick Pino. It was a prophetic song about the prophetic rising. Don't know what this means either, but I am taking a 3 month rest and stepping back from everything. I will be pressing into the Lord and He is what I am seeking first. I know this all adds up to something, but I will not second guess God.
I only want to do what He is asking me to do. So, you see, I already knew that this would happen, but there were things that needed healing too.

It was just a really quick 90 degree turn and my neck got a little sore on the way.....I am walking thru this and need friends to help me along the way. My first thought was I need to go to Prince George. Now I know that God will treat me to that when it is time. (and Beth and Peter will have me there)

Keep a watch for the turn and you will not get a stiff neck of offence !!!

Wavering between fear and joy

Well, the title really says it as when you know and see what God wants you to do, there is a wavering between times of fear and times of great joy. I want to live in the joy, but I am walking it out right now. Good thing that there is grace!!

One of the leaders wants to talk to me about the "Feast" and I believe that it could be a "go". I get glimpses in the spirit about things that are in store for me and I want to dream big !! The creativity is just busting forth out of me !!! I dream and dream and vision cast and see things all the time. I dream about it, I meditate on it, I eat and sleep it. I just cannot help myself, it is flowing like a river. I told God that it needed to be "unto" something as I was tired of just dreaming and I want to do and go....

On one hand my church is busting forth too and on the other hand it is causing some to leave and be mad and offended. I really wonder some times about it all, and then remember God and know that He can accomplish what He wants and if He wants my help, He will ask ! I am along for the ride of my life!

Every day there is something to be excited about and thankful for ! Just think of all the good things that God wants to do ! I am reading a book right now called "The Seven Mountain Prophesy " and it is blowing my religious ways out of the water ! Kingdom !!!!! That is what God is saying for sure ..... Taking the mountains !!!! Preaching the gospel of the Kingdom instead of just the gospel of salvation ! The gospel of the Kingdom also includes the gospel of salvation !!!!!
The Kingdom is at hand folks !!!

I have so much to say, but I need to get ready for a time of soaking at Deborah and Peter's tonight. I want to see her new jewel that God gave her ! One day I may get one !!! Living for an extravagant God that wants us to be overflowing in His blessings and gifts !! Most of all being worshippers and lovers of Him ! That is my cry !!!!! God is good, He is so so good !!! Blessings to all reading this, with every spirtual blessing in Christ Jesus!!


(PS. No, I did not paint this picture of joy)